Annnnd it happened. Mommy dearest here had her first major freak out WTF I can't handle this shiznit moment. Got way to big for ma britches, getting all cocky thinkin I got this mom of three thang down pat. I'm still licking my emotional wounds for that mistake.
       Because of Matt's odd 'Dupont' work schedule there are many a'weekends that I am left to my lonesome manning the decks with the littles. Like this fateful Saturday. Scene. We were out of diapers. Yeah I know, bad mom bad. Gotta plan that kinda shit out. But oh well a quick trip into Target wouldn't hurt right? So targeting we a'went. Things started off fine. Loaded em in, drove there with out any bickering or pestering and unloaded em into one of the giant carts per Lou's request, you know, the ones with the extra kid seats on the front.

Mistake one.

   Those carts are like a miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee long and you gotta have major muscle to move em. Turning them? Outta the question. So most of the time you just block the whole aisle, hell the whole section and promptly avoid the glares from fellow Targetians. And act like you don't speak-a-ingles when someone asks you to move the cart. Word to the wise, just avoid moms when you seem them loaded down with littles pushing the gigantor cart. In fact just turn straight around and run because some crazy shit is about to go down. But alas I digress. Things were pleasant as I made my way to the dollar section and thought, what the hells, sure you can have the bunny ears and a pack of crayons and the toy bus. Mummsie was in a good mood. So we made our way through the store picking up what we needed and then I decided to do a quick lap around the end caps to see if there were any good deals to score.

Mistake two.
   Every seasoned mom should know that Target browsing is left to when you can successfully ditch the littles on pops while screaming Sucker!!!!! Cuz you know it will be HOURS till you wind up back at home. As soon as you take a glance away from the littles to that cute ottoman or adorable lamp shit blows up. It's like they have radar for when you are just starting to catch you breath and drift off into a little day dream about a house without being covered in pb&j fingerprints. Snap back to reality when someone pinches someone else, takes their brothers toy away, sticks an octopus arm out and knocks down that tower of picture frames ect ect ect, so on and repeat all . day . long.
   I was in the candle section and Lucas was squirming around and started playing the game, ha ha it's so funny if I throw down this pair of bunny ears and mom has to pick them up, and pick them up, and pick them up and pick them up and god damn it if you throw them dow..... and pick them up and pick them up and ok alright no more bunny ears.... and pick them up... I am putting them up on this shelf and wait... no... no crying.... you can't act this way..... no... stop that....

mistake three....

Lucas looooooost his mind.

Gone-zo. Exorcist style. I swear his head started turning around and spewing green bile. He was screaming 'Bunny bunny bunny bunny buuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyy', while full on gorilla shaking his seat. I had put him in the front cart seat, Lou was in the basket and Leland was strapped to me. There was kicking, crying, screaming, just utter madness... and don't let me get started on how Lucas was acting. Ha yeah right. By this time Lucas had freeded himself from the seat straps and was dangling out of the seat with his foot tangled in the straps while desperately trying to climb into the extra front seats. Stretched out bridge style. I tried to pick him up but he wasn't having non of that with a karate chop here and there to my hands... and I wasn't about to try and wrestle a 40 pound gremlin having a panic attack. So there he was. Screaming. Snared like a rabid fox and oh joy, the baby started to wail, and burp up and wait? what is that? Of course the baby pooped out of his diaper and that lovely yellow ooze was starting to seep out of his pack and onto my new shirt. Yep. It was my day. Shoulda bought a lottery ticket. By this time I am sweating bullets and I can feel the tears welling up. I could also feel the glares from the Saturday morning shoppers going out of their way to gawk as this car accident. It must have sound like I was beating my child. I'm sure there was a few, 'What!? What do you want?!' any maybe a 'Can I help you?! shouted out when a rubber necker stalled just a little to long. My thoughts were bouncing back and forth between, oh my poor little Lucas, and how quietly can I strangle him?
 So what is a mom on the brink to do? I sat down. Literately. I just sat down in the aisle and whipped out my boob and started to nurse Leland while staring at Lucas till he stopped wailing and just hung upside down still tangled in the cart straps. We must have caused quite a commotion because what looked like a Target manager was peeking around the edge of the aisle...

Can I help you miss? Everything alright?

Actually... can you tell me if this candle stand is still on sale? (burpy, poopy, boobie baby in hand, kid still dangling and Lucinda taking a nap under the cart with a couple of pillows she grabbed from the end cap)

Thanks for stopping by!