I literally raced out of the room through the bathroom into my bedroom slamming and sliding doors along the way only to fall into a heap of tears and sleep deprived anguish. Two seconds later I hear a crash bang boom and both kids are shoving each other out of the way to open the doors I closed and throw themselves against the door I was walled up against. Crying... whining... yelling... Mama MAMA MAMA!!!! and shoving their stubby little fingers under the door trying to get to me. 

Wahhhh!!!!

WAHHHH!!!!

Me crying... the kids crying... we are one big crying household!

just one of those days ya know?!

  Then I took a deep breath, slid open the door and let the chaos calamity of two kids three and one pile on top of me in one giant herd of sticky stinky scariness. Cuz it is scary. Scary to have two tiny humans completely dependent upon you, wanting every single second of your attention, never leaving you alone... not even to pee in silence. Silence? Ha! What's that?

 Then I get caught in this awful cycle. Part of me thinks about what I would be doing if I didn't have these two stuck to my legs like octopi. Then I feel guilty, 'How could I ever think that...they are my everything!' Then I think 'Ah honey get over it' Then I think, 'Am I a good mom? Am I doing enough educational activities?', Then I  think 'Hey, today they ate, had a bath and didn't lose any digits... you're good.'

so on

and

so on

  See what I mean? Never ending.

  I just wanted to share a snippet. A real snippet. I get so sick of perusing Myface and insta or whatever and see 'Oh me and my beautiful offspring are just so amazingly fantastically blessed! We never cry or yell or poop our pants because we are perfect Perfect PERFECT!"

AHHHHHHH!!!!

I just want to chuck my phone down and slap my computer screen....

  My life ain't perfect. It's messy and stressful and there are definitely days (like today) where I cry and scream and wish I had.... something else. Not that I know what that something else in particular would be, but a moment of something else. There are moments where I just throw my hands into the sky and say, 'Why!!!! Why!!!! WHY!!!! ME!!!!'

Then I get over it.

Cuz that's the key sista... get over it




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